Motherhood

Mothers are the most forgiving people in the world. The following should not be mistaken.

If kids were sick, it doesn't mean that the mother is wrong in taking care of them, or they were not able to strengthen their immune system even if they were breastfed, it is just that kids must experience and eventually know what their body can tolerate, in order for them to enhance it.

If kids failed expectations, say to be good and smart, it doesn't mean that motherhood fails in recognizing them to be a model of their parents. It is just that kids have their own way and happy with that. Remember that it's too early for the kids to act as ourselves. Let them have their own lives to live.

Most importantly, if kids didn't learn, it is not because motherhood fails in doing the right thing. It is because she cannot forgive herself for doing everything wrong believing her choice is the only right.

Don't regret Regret

Regret does not knock us for being flawed. It reminds us that we can do better. So that we can forgive ourselves, let go and continue the journey as a courageous person.

Life Without God

You may find a practicing minister for 20 years losing belief on the teaching of the Church a bit disturbing. But not for Sam Harris and Tim Prowse.

A glimpse of the interview would make you wonder why the former minister seems relaxed amidst the faith disturbance.

It is nice to hear that your exit from the ministry has been comparatively smooth. What will you do next?


Repudiating my ordination and leaving faith behind was much smoother than I had anticipated. Ironically, something I had worked years to accomplish ended in a matter of minutes. When I slid my ordination certificates across a Bob Evan’s tabletop to my District Superintendent, I was greatly relieved. The lie was over. I was free. This freedom does not come without consternation, however.


Fortunately, a dear friend helped my family by offering their second home to rent at a very reasonable price. Another dear friend has procured a sales job for me in her company. While housing and employment have been provided in the short term, long term my future is much more uncertain. Ideally, I’d love to write and lecture on my experiences; especially concerning the negative impacts faith and church have on individuals and societies. I’d love to write a novel.


I do not have visions of grandeur, however. If the rest of my life is spent just being a regular “Joe” that will be fine by me. I have a wonderful family and a few good friends. My heart and mind are at ease. I’m healthier now than I’ve been in years and tomorrow looks bright. For the first time in my life, I’m living. Truly living, Sam.


If you could go back in time and reason with your former self, what could you say that might have broken the spell sooner?


I would tell myself to ask questions, to read the text, to wonder, to explore the nuances, to take seriously my intuition and abilities to debate. I’d tell myself to listen to what is actually being said with critical and reasoning ears. I’d tell myself to substitute “Invisible Friend” for “God” every time I encountered the word and notice how ridiculous the rhetoric sounds from grown-ups. I would challenge myself to be more skeptical, to study science. I’d tell myself to find joy in life – it’s the only one you are going to get – don’t waste a second.

So, what’s your story?

I have my fair share of dealing with difficult people. Those I cannot fathom the intentions. Gossiping behind the person’s back and befriending the same person when face to face turns my alarm on.

The difficulty is defined out of my low tolerance on lies.

In my attempt to hone my tolerance skill on what I perceived as difficult people, I discovered something enlightening about it.

Since I don’t want to shadow your view of my enlightenment, please read on….

You May Be Aiding “Difficult” People to Be Difficult.


No relationship is exclusively one-way. When any two people interact, the influences flow in both directions.


So if there’s someone at work (at home or at play) who consistently irritates you, peeves you, and just generally gets under your skin, know this: you are almost certainly part of your problem.


Google “working with difficult people”, and you’ll get about 16,800 hits; “difficult people at work”, 10, 700; and just “difficult people”, a whopping 1,730,000 hits!


There’s no question that in most every organization (home and playground), we come face to face with folks who push our buttons, antagonize, frustrate, or otherwise annoy us, and behave in ways that make us want to scream. They’re commonly referred to as “difficult people”. Some we label simply “irritating”; some we label “rude” and some we label “impossible to work or be with”.


In my experience, however, the question is not so much what makes them “difficult”, but what we tell ourselves about them that makes them difficult – that is, underlying, supporting and triggering our reactivity and characterizations are the stories we tell ourselves about such folks. “S/he is (fill in the blank with your negative judgment, criticism, or descriptor)” that categorizes them as ‘difficult’.


When we drill down to the “truth” of the difficulty matter, experience suggests that it’s not so much that another’s behavior is all that egregious, outlandish, off the charts or aberrant; the “truth” of the difficulty matter is that often the “difficulty” is not so much the other individual as it is the stories we tell ourselves about that person. What often occurs is that we have created a “story” about that person, a story we take as real, a story we assume is true.
So, when we feel the urge to label another as “difficult”, a first step is to check out the reality of the story, the facts. How?

HERE ARE THREE SELF-REFLECTIVE QUESTIONS TO ASK:

1. What is that person doing, or how are they being, that is problematical for me?

In other words, ask yourself what the observable and measurable behaviors are that point to “difficulty”. Often, when caught up in reactivity, or flooded by emotions, we lose sight of the observable facts and simply respond with a knee-jerk judgment along the lines as: “Well, it’s nothing specific; he’s just being an “a–hole”. Because we are so attached to our story, we often fail to grasp the details that indicate the person is, in fact, difficult. So, ask yourself, “If someone gave me the same feedback I am directing to another person, would I know exactly how to do, or be, differently?” If not, you’re telling yourself a story and you’ll need to be clear on the facts.

2. Do you allow your story to cloud your view of that person?

When we create stories, we create a way we choose to view that person. For example, if I choose to believe another is lazy, then I turn the radio dial in my head to the station that features only “laziness” tunes and, as such, I’m always on the lookout for, and listening for, ways that person is behaving that I can haracterize as lazy, in order to prove the truth of my story.


If I choose to believe my boss is friendlier with a colleague and is ignoring, or rejecting, me and my work, then I turn the radio dial to pick up “rejection” tunes and look for, and listen for, incidents which allow me to say, “See, there she goes again; she likes that other person and is not concerned with me or my work.”


We create distortions that support us to prove we are “right”; that our story is true. We look to archive lots of evidence to prove our story. We don’t stand back and ask ourselves:


** “Is this the whole story?”
** “Is my story, really, really the truth?”
** “Is it possible I am distorting things just a bit?”


In fact:


** “Is this person perhaps, just perhaps, not the ogre I make him or her out to be?”
** “Could I be mistaken?”

3. Do you behave a certain way toward that person based on your story?

The bottom line is that our stories influence our behavior (at work, at home and at play). Our stories (and their attendant beliefs, thoughts, assumptions, preconceptions, misperceptions,etc.) trigger our emotions and feelings and it is our emotions and feelings that drive our behavior (often unconsciously) towards the other.


So, it’s important to take steps to become “conscious” of our stories. Two questions that can help in this vein are:


** “How do I behave toward another based on my story?” And,
** “Am I building a case against another, or attempting to solidify a case against another, based on my story?


A next step is to become curious as to whether, in fact, I am perpetuating another’s behavior as a result of my story. Am I contributing to that other person’s being “difficult” through my story and reactivity?


Yes, there are “difficult” people in the world. The question is whether some of these folks are really “difficult” in and of themselves or whether I am a major contributing factor to their being “difficult” through my story, and, more sincerely, honestly, and self-responsibly, how do I know the difference.


Finally, I invite you to reflect on the following thoughts that might inform your inquiry into “difficult” people and your stories about them Everyone is in “chapter three” of their life and often we base our criticisms and judgments of another on the assumption we know what went on in “chapter one” and “chapter two”. Truth is, we don’t know.


Ask yourself: “Why would a rational, decent, fair-minded and well-meaning individual behave like a jerk” (Or fill in the blank with another “difficult” descriptor you use.) And then perhaps compassionately give them the benefit of the doubt before you make up your story or justify your story as “the truth”.


No one (read: NO ONE) ever gets up in the morning and says, “I’m going to be a jerk today.”

As Real as it Gets

In her world of make believe, says one show business personality who just broke up from a rumored gay boyfriend, she wants to keep part of life as real as possible. Thus, the revelation and transformation came out of the limelight.

Anyways, it is not about her and her ordeal. It is more on keeping it real.

I get it when the method of make believe to compel a kid to finish his meal, else, his/her hands will crumble like a crawling crab saves wastes. When a lifetime annual make believe of getting gifts from Santa Clause for being good spares parents from being good by example. It may have some use to those who depend on elders for decision, well, like a child. An adult relying on make believes to decide is a threat to sanity and goodwill.

Threat to Sanity

Amidst the desert during summer time, one can make believe that the shadow of pouring sands from a rock can be a water to relieve thirst. Faith makes us taste water out of sand. Anyways, with so much fun making believe, the land rover was missed that can bring me to a city where real safe water can be found. Who knows what kinds of dirt masks that sand?

Goodwill

Have you heard of the story about Mother Theresa’s allowing only near death patients to be confined in her hospital if they will be converted to Catholics?

Well, Can this kind of compassion be as real as it gets?

Blackhole

My chat with a fellow trainer made me realized two things:

1. One must be like god even if not, to let others believe that one knows everything to earn respect. It does not matter whether what is taught is true as long as you stick to it. 

2. I beg to disagree. I have more value to humanity having the courage to learn and improve  by learning. This happens only with willingness to accept that one doesn't know everything.

Where do I go from here?

The belief that one knows everything defies the essence of learning.

Baligtaran

Inspired by Juana Change "Baligtaran:"



I was listening to this very interesting video when I thought of applying it to a program. Just what like the video is trying to tell us, it all depends on one's perspective. Whatever input you may get, the output depends on programming, habit forming.

Competere

It's really elating and celebrating.

When you know that a very competitive person imitates your ways, it is something. But when you are not in that same environment anymore, it tells you everything. You are not forgotten.

I am happy. Really. Without the mask nor diamonds nor foods.

The same way I can't forget a friend, let's call her M, when she said that "I only compete with myself." That alone marks a person that recognizes human weakness and strives to improve even without getting confirmation from others. She earned my respect from then on. And my loyalty remains despite of everything. And when I said loyalty, I stand by her side when everyone turned their back on her. Even if she turned her back on me.

It is different when a person tries to overwrite what you as a person have already established. When someone tries to tell "I also have that such and such." When someone makes sure to pick up the pieces you have left and says it's all mine. Well of course, that person can only TRY. And try. Because it is a competition outside the domain. It only shows how "LOST" a person can be. Trapped in a dimension only one can hallucinate and spend ADHD energy.



Competere is rooted from the Latin word for the verb "to compete" which means "to seek together" or "to strive together". Its meaning has lost its worth when social theorists, most notably Alfie Kohn (No Contest: The Case Against Competition [1986]), and cooperativists in general argue that the traditional definition of competition is too broad and too vague. Moreover, competition which originates internally and is biologically motivated can and should be defined as either amoral competition or simply survival instinct. It is a behavior which is neither good nor bad. But exists to further the survival of an individual or specie in hunting, or behavior which is coerced in self-defense. Social Darwinists profess it moral and necessary to the survival of the species.

It is, maybe, about survival. And I am an epitome of a survivor.

Accept that.

Elaborating "My way"

Yeng Constantino's version of "My way" epitomizes the essence of the song. 

I am still searching for that video on youtube, but I guess someone is still thinking his/her way to do it.

Just in case videoke anywhere is not enough on your way..

MY WAY

Songwriters: Revaux, Jacques; Anka, Paul (Eng Lyr); Thibaut, Gilles; Francois, Claude;


And now the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend I'll say it clear
I'll state my case of which I'm certain


I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way


Regrets I've had a few
But then again too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption


I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way


Yes there were times I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/f/frank-sinatra-lyrics/my-way-lyrics.html ]
But through it all when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out, I faced it all
And I stood tall and did it my way


I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now as tears subside
I find it all so amusing


To think I did all that
And may I say not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way


For what is a man what has he got
If not himself then he has not
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way


Yes it was my way

Reasons Exchanged I: Mystery

I was recently engaged in a an exchange of emails. It all started when I sent them an essay on the evaluation of the Bible verses. And I share it with you.

"MY Personnal View and somewhat 95% of the world’s population have the same belief that one way or another there is a Supreme Being that we call God. I pity people who believe that everything can be explained by Science or by reason — why? because of the word MISTERY. Do you actually believe that the size of your brain which is around 15cm and weighs around 1.5kg can contain everything that you need to know about the whole universe? I can not even explain why I yawn when other people yawn in front of me or even the scientist have all the theories about yawning but still have not found out the real explanation on yawning.
If any human being will try to explain everything by science or by reason then there will never be any end to all the questions of how and why. Question like why our eyes cansee 3D 3-dimension of everything while when you shoot a 3D film, you need 3 cameras simultaneously. We have only two eyes by the way.
Even there is no exact science about dreams. Personally, If you will say that I’m ignorant for believing with our God and our Saviour Jesus Christ and the Bible, I have no problem with that.
In the end sir, I can not judge your beliefs or your “facts”. All I can say is that yes I believe you when you say that our mind is free. That we can think now for the all the reasons that we can reason. But for you sir, while you are finding answers, I will pray for you to find those answers. And thank you for reading the Bible sir, next time sir try reading it with your heart and not only with your mind."

My Response

Before December 3, 1903, the bird’s ability to fly was a mystery until it was explained by Wilbur and Orville Wright with their flying machine named Kitty Hawk. Flying by human was once a mystery and eventually explained without reference to the Bible. Every invention/creation of human comes with a manual that tells how it works and will be troubleshoot. Unfortunately, the Bible does not say anything about the brain, heart, gravity, mathematics, and telecommunications like what we found in manuals. Today in quality assurance, a manual is a standard. Is the brain, heart, airplane, submarine, yawn, 3D eye also a mystery to the entity that made it possible/existing that’s why it is not included in the Bible?

The 10% capability of the brain being utilized now corrected the ancient earth-centered and flat earth belief that threatened, tortured and killed early scientists and thinkers like Galileo, Copernicus, Bruno and Hypatia. It also has extended life expectancy through scientific discoveries on medicines and transplants. This brain enables us to invent machines and instruments that can predict catastrophes like typhoons, earthquakes and tsunamis. Its natural curiosity and courage to question the established knowledge progresses the civilization. It facilitates the self-correcting attribute of the scientific world (Example: Newton Laws is corrected by the Relativity. Relativity is corrected by the quantum physics).

It is a mystery to me why an all-loving, all-powerful, all-knowledgeable all-benevolent supreme being would allow innocent children die of starvation in Africa and as victims of war. It is a mystery to me why an all-just supreme being allows the innocent children suffer for the sins of their parents. As a human, I don’t have that kind of cruelty to send anyone to eternal fire to suffer for not believing in me. And I am not even a parent nor all-loving, all-powerful, and all-knowledgeable.

If there’s supreme being, he/she/it is incomprehensible by the 15cm and 1.5kg brain and by the heart that pumps blood in or out of the vein. So, any understanding made by human comprehension must be really personal and nothing absolute.

Head Start

Two weeks ago I read from the wall of a friend about cyber bullying. Well, I know being a Taurean I can be a bull and head strong. And it happened a lot of times. Those matadors were teasing me to fight back. And when I do, I do till my last "breath". Haaaaaaaaaay....

Going back to cyber bullying, I asked what it is all about. The reply I got is the rampant suicide among HS students in US due to bullying. Well, it is more than me being a bully in my younger years.It is about the lesson I learned to value life and living in general as I grow older. I gained that ability to bully being a Sunday school teacher in my secondary school. The feeling of making the kids do things without reason at all is empowering. Questions like “I thought there’s only Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, where did his wife and those people observing them come from?” would be answered with “because it is written in the book, it is true and you should not question that.” And I get away with it because I am a teacher and made them have faith in me at an early age. I have nothing against teacher because I am one by profession.

But reason tells me I should do something about it. I feel for them. The way I feel when I watch a movie or tv series depicting the struggles of the adolescents in this modern age. Despite of what we have: gadgets, e- books, internet, social networking, a lot of youngsters are still bored of their lives. Their quest for attention is so alarming it makes me wonder if they are getting that from the primary source: home. Or maybe they are over getting it to the point of doing things simply because they can, no matter what the consequence.

I cannot answer as a parent. And I’m not limiting myself simplyfor being not. I can only guide them to be inspired by being inspired myself about life. Like what I am always saying, I most value my life here and the way I am living, more than preparing myself for after life. For those who are bullying me to do this and that so that I can have after life simply to have control of what I think, I should do and I should choose, I say, I’ve already outgrown that. I learned that in high school and now I am on to something down to earth.

Hear the man with no arms and legs being thankful for what he has. He tries to find meaning to his life without professing about promises such as resurrection and after life being born of a virgin and miracles. But really giving hope to those who are losing the strength in character to just even stand up. Learn from his struggles and how he rose above the mediocrity of the bullies and bullying.

“"It's a lie to think that you are not good enough. It's a lie to think that you are not worth

Something to Think About: Humanism

Open Letter to the CBCP


My Dear Catholic Bishops,

I should wish to share with you words from a psychiatrist M. Scott Peck, author of THE ROAD LESS TRAVEL. It is a bit about psychiatry at its best on top of Christianity at its worst:

“The learning of something new requires a giving up of the old self and a death of outworn knowledge. To develop a broader vision we must be willing to forsake, to kill, our narrower vision. In the short run it is more comfortable not to do this – to stay where we are, to keep using the same microcosmic map, to avoid suffering the death of cherished notions. The road to spiritual growth, however, lies in the opposite direction. We begin by distrusting what we already believe, by actively seeking the threatening and the unfamiliar, by deliberately challenging the validity of what we have previously been taught and hold dear. The path to holiness lies through questioning EVERYTHING.”

Well, in our sick society today, if we question the evils of corruption, we find that corruption is not a political or a legal or a medical issue. Corruption is a moral issue. During these past centuries under Christian authority, hasn’t it been your sole responsibility to shepherd the flock, to be in charge of the teachings of moral values? Especially to establish self-respect and human dignity as the foundation of a healthy and a sane society? Why is it that after 400 years of Christianity solidly established in this country, tens of millions of Filipinos in this 21st century continue to experience interior emptiness, still thirsting for some form of spirituality? No doubt, we still have deep faith in the holy Trinity known as the “Father,” “Son,” and “Holy Spirit,” but in our race to achieve a higher standard of living as a people, and to accomplish a higher standard of thinking as a nation – where is the Holy Trinity on our side as our “Creator,” “Redeemer,” and the “Sustainer?”


For my part, as a humanist, I embrace morality as one of the greatest of human values. Not, however, superstitious morality. I do not do good because there is a greater power out there who will reward me for my goodness after death. On the contrary, I do good precisely because of what’s higher and greater than me, namely, - my family, my country, and indeed, this planet earth as the home of humanity.


I duly recognize that there is little difference between the goals of the Christians and the humanists. We both value helping others. But as a humanist I am drawn to this goal out of unselfish love and empathy – which arises from education in rationality. As a humanist my goal in life is to try and spread the virtues of felicity via intellectual growth and maturity. Indeed, to keep ignited the torch of enlightenment. To see things now as they will seem forever, - “in the light of eternity.”


The Christian, however, is driven to it out of fear for his own eternal welfare. For the Christian, helping others is not an end in itself, but only a means of saving himself from damnation.


As a humanist I realize that I could be mistaken about what is best for my fellow-Filipinos; so I am willing to listen to criticism. I am willing to have my ideas torn apart and will listen to the power of reason.


The Christian, however, cannot admit that his ideas of right and wrong might be mistaken, because to doubt would imperil his immortal soul. He must have faith in Christian doctrines – out of fear of eternal torture if he does not. He must be anti-intellectual in order to maintain his faith – out of fear of torture if he does not. And he must never doubt that his action is correct – again out of fear of torture if he does not.


What is happening to us, I ask? Why is it that we Filipinos do not, and cannot as yet enjoy social unity, moral sanity, and political maturity in our own country? We only continue to be a people of childish followers; hardly a nation of intelligent thinkers as leaders. Why is it that in this day and age, under your moral guidance and inspiration, we Filipinos only continue to believe that human life is but a defect, and that we must only live our lives seeking not reconstruction, but only obliteration!

My dear bishops, as citizens of our country, isn’t it time for you to take a deeper look at our spiritually poor and morally bankrupt nation - the Philippines - the only Christian country in Asia since 400 years ago? No doubt, Christianity has been a great success. But what has been a greater success, however, is the Filipino way of life. We are still faithful to a higher power out there, but paying for it at a expensive price down here: the horrors of spiritual corruption, moral degradation, economic stagnation, political delusion, educational deception, not to mention the lack of national health, hygiene, and sanitation in our country everywhere!

In the final analysis, I say it again: it is time for us Filipinos to stop fooling around with our silly “free will” for the sake of heavenly salvation. We should, instead, begin to believe and have faith in our intelligent “good will,” especially for one another for the sake of Philippine civilization?

Yours sincerely,
Poch Suzara
Chairman
Center for Inquiry, Philippines
December 13,2008

Me and My Finger Clicking Goodness

It’s been a habit to shout out the brain waves I have in mind. Just to feel that I am human who can use the very faculty that separates us from the animals, my expression of thought. Animals feel happy or get hurt but they could not reason about it the way we know how. I write. Although it’s far from perfection, it helps a lot in making a point in a place no one dares, in times weakened by change, and in a situation where silence is deafening.

I’ve grown and now enjoying the beauty of expression. I am no longer a childish back stabbing piece of meat. My abundance of reason is on whenever an intriguing smiling face utters the stupidest arrogance derived from insecurity. I can voice head on or in writing the sweetest weapon that might kill your dying ego or the deadliest honesty to resurrect it from its death. Like every one of us, I passed the emotional blackmailing stage and try not to use it against anyone who reasons.

My opinion does not matter anyway especially to those with so much insecurity that the only way to save themselves from their discomfiture is to only listen to themselves. I’m no longer a control freak protecting stupid image. Images can be manipulated these days anyways. Hypocrisy is the cheapest tool. Everyone can avail. I can’t do anything about their decision and do not want to spoil their only known happiness. I can only pity them.

But since I’ve grown, I’d like to be responsible. My finger clicking goodness really wants to separate the chaff from the grain. What is chaff? What is grain? And WTF am I going to do with these? These are the questions that I really tried to answer.

WHOA! So much with the four paragraph introduction! How about the realization?